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Why Does She Stay Essay

1173 words - 5 pages

“Why does she stay?” That is the most common question when domestic violence is brought up. Domestic abuse occurs in all races, all economic backgrounds, and in all levels of society and the effects of the abuse can last a lifetime, and the reasons women stay in violent relationships are numerous and multifaceted. There is no black or white reason as to why women stay in abusive relationships. Due to the media and advocacy programs domestic violence is gaining more and more awareness. However, the attention on domestic violence tends to focus on the physical abuse and the effects that causes. The emotional abuse that occurs within a violent relationship is considered just as damaging ...view middle of the document...

Once a firm relationship is in place the emotional/psychological abuse begins. It happens slowly; the abuser will insult the victim a few times and then explain to her why it was her fault. After awhile of this, the victim tries to keep the peace and tries to become the person the abuser wants her to be. The abuser will start insulting her in front of friends and family, demean her in public and do anything possible to embarrass her in front of people. The goal is to make the victim feel worthless so the perpetrator can feel powerful.
Isolating the victim from her friends and family is used as a form of abuse to keep the victim from having anyone to help her. The isolation from the victim’s friends and family can be so complete that even if she could go for help she may not have the emotional capability to seek help from any resource (Berry 33). By this stage, the emotional trauma from the abuse has stripped the victim of her confidence, self worth, and self esteem. The victim feels as if there is nothing she can do or anywhere she could go for help; essentially, she feels trapped.
When a victim is isolated from family and friends the victim develops a warped outlook on life. The victim’s entire world revolves around the abuser, who controls nearly all aspects of her life and verbally assaults her with insults and put downs. The victim is being told by the person who claims to love her that she is worthless and can never do anything right. With no one around to disclaim the disparaging remarks against her it is just a matter of time before the victim begins to believe everything the abuser is saying.
The abuser will threaten the victim with physical harm to her or to her family members if she ever attempts to tell anyone about the abuse or leave. The victim fears for her life and the safety of her loved ones because she is aware of the violence her abuser is capable of and knows that he will carry out any threats made. In order to protect loved ones and herself, the victim may stay in the relationship and continue to live with the abuse. Many times the perpetrator will stalk the victim, even during the relationship, which makes the victim not only believe everything he is threatening, but also may cause the victim to either lose jobs or have to quit jobs.
Finances are very important for everyone, especially if someone needs to get away from a dangerous...

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