Suing the Sues
By Mackenzie Timson
There are at least two things you can always be certain of when it comes to a Mary Sue: one, she is dang good looking, and two, you hate her guts. About now, many people might be asking, “What is a Mary Sue?” Well, esteemed audience, a Mary Sue is, in every sense of the word, a perfect heroine, whom you hate solely for the way she is written. She’s kind, gentle, funny, and undyingly selfless, yet she can kick the butt of any and every evil villain in existence…somehow. Let’s not forget that she’s a genius, and gets the highest grades in every single one of her classes (because she’s probably between 13 ...view middle of the document...
Throughout the entire story, that thing called “character development” is thrown out the window. Remember, she’s perfect (because I haven’t mentioned that enough have I?); she doesn’t need to change. So obviously, there is no character development, which means that on this journey (whatever the journey is…usually an epic adventure in a fantasy world closely resembling Middle Earth), she does not learn anything. No lesson learned whatsoever. Seriously, what’s the point of a book if it’s not trying to teach you something?
Of course, we can’t forget another little thing: once you find out the main protagonist is a Mary Sue…THE ENTIRE ENDING HAS JUST BEEN SPOILED FOR YOU. Don’t forget, she’s also perfect at probably every fighting technique known to man, and she takes down the final villain, no problem, and then gets the guy (unless she already had him)…every single time. Literally, the entire story is operated by her. There will not be another character more powerful than her, or even with an ability that she doesn’t already possess. There will be a group that heads out on the epic adventure, but only one person who does anything…I’m not even going to say it; you should know by now. She upstages every character, and does anything worth noting by herself, even though she has a group of friends that can help her. Their only role throughout the story is to praise her whenever she so much as breathes. Because the reader can’t forget how freaking perfect she is. Honestly, there is no point for these characters to be there. Excuse me, friends of the Mary Sue, you may feel free to go take a coffee break when the battle against a giant army or evil villain arises. Rest assured, you wouldn’t be doing anything except watching her...