Shaping my sexual behavior was generally influenced by my mom. I learned to be dependent on men and use safe sex through media. Gender sex roles also placed me to be secretive with my sex life and nurturing. My body image makes me insecure when it comes to intimacy. There were no specific sexual guidelines that my family made me follow. I was raised in a family where I was able to explore and have my own opinions about sexual situations. Not having guidelines or a path made me lost and confused once I obtained sexual behaviors. My experiences from friends, my mom, religion, and media influenced the development of my sexuality.
My mom never really educated me about ...view middle of the document...
The only good boyfriend that I recall my mom having was the shortest relationship. It made me think that the good guys were actually bad. I never was exposed to a healthy relationship making it hard for me to be in one. My mom’s relationship made a difference on how I look at sex and sexual relationships.
Since my mother didn’t talk to me about sex, my primary source of learning about sex and sexuality was from friends and boyfriends at the time. I never took a sex education class and never discussed sex my sisters. So I took what my friends and boyfriends said to be true. I then found out that most of the information learned about sex was inaccurate through experience. Since I was told inaccurate information and had a lack of knowledge, I got a sexually transmitted disease at the age of 16. Luckily, I got it cured before it got worse. Through that experience I learned to always wear condoms to prevent other STDs. I was once told that I couldn’t get pregnant if I was on my menstrual cycle. I later found out that it was false from the internet. My secondary source was the internet. I would Google everything, since I didn’t know who to talk to. That was again another inaccurate source because there is plenty of false information on the internet.
I began to look for answers to my sexual questions at the age of seven or eight. My childhood sexual behavior started and my sexual curiosities were high. I would enact in heterosexual marriage scripts with my younger sister that was about 2 years younger than me. We would play house pretending to be the mom and dad. We would kiss as if we were regular adults. It’s seems disgusting, but at that age it didn’t reflect orientation or relate to sex in any way. I would also do sexual behaviors with my friend. We would look down each other’s shirts and pants in the bathroom while my mom was gone to examine the different body parts.
Religion didn’t play much of a role towards my sexuality. My grandma was a strong believer in Christianity and would take us to church, but since my mom rarely went to church, it didn’t pass down to me. Since my grandma was a Christian, she always told me not to have sex until marriage and don’t move in together until married. It didn’t affect me, but did have me thinking. My grandma got sick, no longer attended church, and didn’t bring it up again leaving what she said in the back of my mind.
I started puberty younger than most, so I was more mature and more developed earlier than others. I had big breast starting in middle school making me a sexual target for guys. I hung out with the more mature crowd causing me to be exposed to sex, drugs, and alcohol earlier than others. Going through puberty, made me more curious about sex. That’s when I lost my virginity at fourteen. I was peer pressured into having sex by my boyfriend; I wasn’t comfortable. I was terrified the first time, but then again I was curious. Many people say they regret their first especially so young, but...