Life is a search. Not merely for success, and not merely for the other half. It is a search for our own souls, why we exist, and our purpose. The hardest part is that, sometimes we don’t have something to look for, because others have already dictated us where to go, what to do, and what to find. Then time comes that what we think that we want is just what others want for us. Fortunately, I’m finally free from such situation. I found it, thank God.
Some people say that I’m one of an influential person because I look reliable and dependable. I must say, that kind of people look at me superficially, because the thing is that I am reliant and dependent. Not in a way that when I do this and that, I need someone to back me up. I am dependent about decisions, I don’t know how to answer yes and no, and what I always know is I don’t know. I’m uncertain of ...view middle of the document...
It grew to become a talent. I thought I’d grow up looking strong and invincible because of this talent. It became a pain in the chest – becoming heavy and full of grudges and bitterness because I don’t express it. Some people think that I don’t take what they say to heart, but in reality, I hate them and stab them straight to their hearts mentally. I just want to yell at them to say that I can be hurt, I can be mad. My face just doesn’t show it, but beware; I might have hated you for like every day. But the thing is, I want to change. I run away from what I feel because I don’t even want myself to pity me. Is it too late? I don’t know again. I have no idea on how to start being true to what I feel. But then, thank God that there is such thing as writing. I pour my heart out through my hands, the pen, and the ink. One thing I am certain of is that, time will come. God has already set a time. I want to say that I’m still straightforward. I don’t lie when I say something. But when I don’t say something, it means something’s going on.
Fight, and win. These are what I do when I’m in focus and on the go. I hate frustrating myself; I hate myself when I do so. But then, I’m a fighter, and God fights with me. So, what’s the point in sulking and weeping when I fail, when my God is there? When my inspirations are there? I’m neither an optimist, nor a pessimist. Rather, I consider myself as a realist. When I know it’s not okay, I don’t convince myself that it’s great. When it’s okay, I make the best out of it. When I know that there’s still a way, I find the way. I make it real. Even though self-proclaimed, I cling to reality because I will feel more secure with it on the go.
I don’t care if I’m not pretty; I don’t care if I don’t please everyone. What’s important for me is that even though I’m like this, there are still people who can accept and love me for who I am. What’s more important is that I accept myself, and that there is this one God who loves me unconditionally.