responsibility holds accountable for a group and my [Avoid use of the first person (I, me, my) in academic writing unless writing about a personal experience. First person use may be allowed by the instructor. ] actions affects the group whether good or bad. One part of responsibility as it relates to college success being committed to a higher degree than high school such as: core curriculum which [Use "that" for a restrictive phrase (or place a comma before "which")] requires great [Writing suggestion: "great" is an overworked word, too frequently seen, and too vague. It has too many meanings: huge, superior, numerous, etc. Use a more specific adjective] study habits, more active participation, team work [Misspelling--"teamwork" is one word] and [Insert a comma before this word if this is the last in a list of more than two -- or if it begins a new clause] [in academic writing, if ...view middle of the document...
Having a high school diploma allowed me to strive for higher education and currently I’m [Contractions are inappropriate in academic writing--write it out] seeking my Bachelor’s degree in Business Health Administration
My personal responsibility is to devote myself to learning the best of my ability, participating in class discussions, offering my assistance and [Insert a comma before this word if this is the last in a list of more than two -- or if it begins a new clause] staying focus. My social responsibility is to carry out responsibility taking on by me and keep the groups inform on changes [Insert comma if the following is a nonrestrictive phrase] such as Learning Teams at University of Phoenix if anyone in our [Use "we," "us," or "our" to mean yourself and coauthors, not general humanity (or yourself and the reader)] group slack it affects the entire group and [Grammar: A run-on sentence requires a comma before "and" (or other conjunction) linking main clauses] the outcome is our grades. For me [Clearer writing suggestion--You are the author, and these are your ideas or attitudes, so simplify by removing "For me"] I will carry my learning from University of Phoenix to become more personally responsible and become able to financially and socially take care of myself and gain learning skills that would benefit my community prosperity and maintenance. I’m [Write out contractions] staying responsible by asking questions, participating, staying focus and [in academic writing, if this is a series, place a comma before the final conjunction (and)] most importantly [The extra syllable in "importantly" adds no additional meaning because the word is seldom adverbial in intention. Use the word without "ly"] being discipline and knowing than once degree is obtained [Passive voice ] the sky is the limited. If I should fall or slack and become irresponsible I have n o-one to blame but myself.
Even though the course load and the degree levels are higher to obtain a college degree the benefits are phenomenal.