I cannot explain to you how sorry I am for all the pain I have caused you, but if it is of any constellation I must say that there is not a day that goes by were I do not think of you, and with great sorrow regret the events that has made our relationship come to this. No one knows better than I that you deserve only the best, in witch I have failed to give you as a parent. There is no way I can deny, that I have disappointed you more than I can ever make up for, an agony I bear with me in every living second of my lonesome life. This is why I write to you, not to try to compensate for all the years I have not been there, but to at least offer you a minor part of what you should have been given a long time ago.
Alexander. I can understand what you might think of me, and I hate myself for the things I have done. But my life has taught me a great deal, and my last years in prison ...view middle of the document...
He was right. Continue pushing yourself towards your goal, Alex. You will win it all back some day. Vic showed me a picture of you as well. You are so handsome; I bet you have a girlfriend. She is lucky, you know. But only tell her that you love her, if you truly do. And kiss her gently to let her know. Be there for her, but do not loose your head. If she decides to leave you, she is not worth your pain, and please remember that there is always someone out there that will be the right one for you. One day you will be making your own family, you will create a home and an environment for your children. Hopefully, you will have a job that provides enough money to take care of them. And please see, that you do not need more than that. Your family will be the most important aspect of your life, so choose well in all your decisions. Think before you act, know that there are consequences out there that will lead to even more problems. Trust me, I know.
Allow yourself to be proud of your achievements, be ambitious, but do not let it tear you apart. Take care of yourself, give yourself credit, and be a bit spoiled. You deserve it. You must think positively while being realistic. And at the same time as you do all this for yourself, there is nothing more essential than the people surrounding you. Do not trust persons you know will let you down. Choose your friends with your heart, but let your mind utter its opinion. Be with the people you feel comfortable with, and the ones that are good to you. Be generous, but not foolish. Follow your own path; do not let yourself get pushed around by others than those who wish you well.
There is so much I would love to tell you, and to explain. All the questions you must have, all the feelings that you carry because of me. I would take them all away if I could. I have done you wrong. And for that, I will be dead on Monday. It is fair. We must all pay for what we have done.
I have one last wish, Alexander, and that is that you live your life to the fullest. And although I am not worthy of it, I hope that you will remember me.
I love you so much.