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Gay Apocalypse Essay

1200 words - 5 pages

The year is 3069. Our president, Perez Hilton the fourth, is spending trillions of dollars a day researching the elusive “Gay Gene.” His top scientist, Walt Disney, (who was brought out of his frozen chamber just two years back to spearhead the research on the gay gene) comes rushing into the spherical office with fantastic news, “Mr. President! It is done, I have successfully located the gay gene! Yippieee!” “Excellent, we will begin insertion immediately, this is going to be even bigger then the new Justin Spears CD!” Perez replies gleefully.

The insertion is a process that all new born babies must go through where they will be given the gay gene so that they grow up to be gay. A large ...view middle of the document...

There is not a care in the land, free and accessible plastic surgery have made it so everyone has the perfect chiseled jaw line and perfect body. Exhaustion is the only reason for not having sex, there is no worry of being too fat or ugly to get a piece.

One day as Perez is getting his thighs liposuctioned by a gorgeous Zac Efron robot, he had a strange dream, in which an angel shows him the major flaw of his Eden, there is no way to reproduce without women and that the human race will slowly die out. The angel says to Perez:

“You have brought this upon your people, the circle of life has been broken by your rash decisions. Your people must end so mankind may be restarted, and the circle repaired. There is nothing you can do; you had your chance. Humankind must be reborn.”

He immediately stopped the lipo, he was not even worried that one of his thighs still had a little extra man meat; his main concern now was trying to save Efronia.

Perez immediately calls Walt Disney to try and figure out what to do, but to his dismay Walt is busy with his big, black dominatrix and cannot speak because his mouth is lodged with a gag ball. Perez rides on his Zac Bot’s shoulders to go see Walt; he rides straight there, right past his favorite store without even taking a peek in the windows. Arriving at Walt’s, Perez rushes in and removes the gag ball, ignoring Walt’s screams to let him finish. “I have been warned in a dream, while getting some lipo, that mankind ends here, in Efronia, God is waiting for us to all die out so he can start the world over” cries Perez. “Oh you’re such a silly pants, it was probs just all those sweet drugs they had you on, Efronia will never die.” Replied Walt. “I’m being super serious here Walt, something must be done or we’re gonna all die, I don’t want to be the reason mankind is wiped out, so will you please help me?” retorted Perez. Walt finally agreed to help, after some tender persuasion from Perez, and they immediately set out to find a way to create babies without women.

The first thing they tried was to extract eggs from gorillas and to artificially inseminate them with human sperm. The embryo could not develop because they were not compatible. “Im running...

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