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Don't Get Me Started Essay

740 words - 3 pages

Don’t get me started on… Twilight. Twilight… terrifying, teeny, torture!
A sickening series, spawning sequel, after sequel, after sequel. A tale of teeny love set amongst the fashionable vampire culture. I hate it! I hate vampires! I hate the banal storylines! I hate the sickening simpering simpletons posing as actors! “Wait!” I hear the cries of a thousand poor deluded teenage girls. “Why do you hate us so much?”
Firstly, and I really regret having to tell you this but… it’s not real. Those obsessive compulsives who fantasise about living their lives within these films will find that their dreams shattered by unrealistic expectations of perfection. All the characters are perfect. Every ...view middle of the document...

My, my, what a choice! Either snog a blood sucker or Fido the Hairy Mutt (a Werewolf for the unfamiliar). Choices, choices... There is one aspect that has always confused me: If Edward is a vampire, then he’s the undead. i.e. dead. Hence so… working on the principle that men need a flow of blood to reach their nether regions in order to have sex… how can get Edward get a stiffy if he’s dead? Is it me, or is that a plot flaw?
Death appears to be really healthy for some people. The fascist fashion fashionistas with their Elizabethan ruff collars, plastic pointy teeth (but remember no penetration Edward!), greasily gelled jet black hair, frost white face (remember they’re dead), make a sad statement on the state of the youth of today. Heaven forbid they even glimpse the warming rays of the sun in case their alabaster complexions should instead become an off shade of porcelain white. Remember anaemic’s are in! Anaemic is cool! Anaemia is good for your health – even if you’re already dead!
Twilight followers are delusional. There is surely little room to...

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