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Attachment Styles And Relationships Essay

1275 words - 6 pages

Melanie Bertrand
Adam Miller

Our text states that “closeness, care, and commitment make up the stuff of which attachment and, as we will see, love are made.” (Bolt, 2004, p. 26). I have found that few things in life are absolute, but the previous statement is one of those few. From the very beginning of our lives, our need for human contact and closeness is glaringly obvious. Our attachment styles, be they secure, avoidant, or anxious, are formed while we are just infants. These attachment styles tie directly into how we, as adults, execute the different dimensions of love (passion, intimacy, and commitment), in our various individual love ...view middle of the document...

The secure attachment style can affect the types of love relationships an individual has in an extremely positive way. Secure individuals do not worry about abandonment or becoming overly dependent on someone else. They are able to accept the faults of others with no negative feelings, and their relationships tend to be more happy and full of trust and friendship.
Avoidant Attachment Style
Our text describes the avoidant attachment style in the following manner: “Babies with cold, rejecting caregivers show avoidant attachment” (Bolt, 2004, p. 23). This is the second most common of the three attachment styles, with roughly fifteen percent of infants showing this particular style when placed in an unfamiliar environment. When a child with this attachment style faces an unfamiliar environment without their parent, they show little distress and when the parent returns, they are unresponsive, for the most part.
The avoidant attachment style can affect the types of love relationships an individual has in a negative way. As adults, they can be fearful and dismissive, and have less satisfaction in their relationships and leave them as opposed to become invested in them. In direct contrast with a secure individual, an avoidant individual is most likely to have sexual encounters that do not include love, and what relationships they do have run through the gamut of emotional highs and lows.
Anxious Attachment Style
Our text describes the anxious attachment style in the following manner: “Infants who experience inconsistent parenting show anxious attachment.” (Bolt, 2004, p. 23). This is the third most common of the three attachment styles, with roughly twenty five percent of infants showing this particular style when placed in an unfamiliar environment. These infants tend to cry and cling to their parent when left in unfamiliar surroundings, but when the parent returns, the child can be indifferent or even hostile, and it is not an easy or quick task to calm them down.
The anxious attachment style can affect the types of love relationships an individual has in an even more negative way than that of an avoidant individual. They are more distrustful, obsessed with love, possessive, and often times jealous. Emotion and anger come into play when discussing differences with their partner, misreading how their partner feels about the relationship is common, and they tend to have the least satisfaction in relationships of three attachment styles.
Dimensions of Love
According to our text, there are three different dimensions of love: passion, intimacy, and commitment. The type of attachment style an individual has directly affects how successful they are at implementing these three things into their relationships. It is easier for a secure individual to do so successfully, but extremely difficult for an anxious or avoidant one.

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